Category: Parenting

Harmonizing Your Blended Family

Blended FamilyIn a family, sometime a separation is inevitable. This can happen either because of a divorce or death. It is always a sad thing to see the children must separated from the parent that they love. Fortunately many of those single families are lucky enough to be able finding other partner to form a new relationship and start a new family. And sometimes parenting to unify the children that come from mix family is challenging task and require hard work from the parent. This is because the children may raised with different tradition, attitude and discipline.

Bonding with your spouse children

Getting close to your spouse children is the important key in harmonizing your mix or blended family. Unfortunately sometime it is not easy to get close and bonding your spouse children. The children naturally will are more attaching to their natural parents. Many of them even reject their parent new spouse as they feel you are trying to replace their own parent.

You need to communicate and make your spouse children understand that you are not a replacement for their parent. Ask your spouse help to get closer to his or her children. Make a time to bonding and spending time with your spouse children with and without your spouse. This can help building a communication and relationship between your spouse children and you as their new parent, by letting both parties knows and understand about each other little by little. This will take time, patience and communication to get close to your spouse children.

Setting up the common discipline

Both parents must setting up the common rules and discipline for the children from both family. Therefore there are no children that feel disadvantages and unfair from the rules. To setting up the rules both parent must respect to their new spouse previous family dynamics, rules and tradition, then discuss the rules that can be applied to their children.

Both parents must commit to apply those rules accordingly. For transition period before the children are close to their new parent, parent can let their spouse to discipline their own children.

 

Step parenting is not a simple task; it will need your patience and determination. But with your compassion, love and your understanding you may be able to gain their respect and able to build a harmonize family with your blended family.

General Mistakes In Parenting

Nobody said that it is going to be an easy task to become parent. There are no perfect manual that will help parent when the baby enter the family and become new member of the house.

So, here are few guides that is summarize from various parenting books about things that should not be done by any parents;

Feeling guilty by assuming the children mistakes is the failure of the parent. It is normal for kids to make errors. Unless the children do not learn from their mistake, then it would be bad. It would be impossible for kids for not making any mistake

Being a perfectionist. If every children problem are solved by their parent by providing all of their need, those kids would have difficulties in adapting the real world in their future and hard to become independent to solve their own problems. The children do not learn the skills that are required for them to survive in the real world. By aiming for a perfection, parents will put extra stress that should able to avoid, and in the end the children could end up resenting their parent because of it.

Too indulgent. Do not hesitate to deprive the children. If children always get what they want, they will end up have difficulties in appreciating what they already have, lack in cherishing their belonging.

Would not admitting their mistake. Parents must admit to their children if they commit any mistake. By admitting their mistake, parent will make their relationship with their children stronger. Children will recognize their parent as honest and brave adults instead of being snob and selfish. Become a good example for the children is more important than trying to look innocent in front of the children.

Shutting the kid off. It does not matter of what strategy parent apply to guide their kid, parents must be sure that they maintain open communication with their child. Parents must become as perceptive as they can, and they should believe their intuition regarding to what’s best for their child.

Physical punishment to alter bad behavior. This assumption is actually false. Even if the bad behavior is changed, it will only temporary result that does not remove the main factor that causing bad behavior. It can even strengthen other unwanted behavior in children. Hitting or yelling to children could make the kid to duplicate the behavior to other persons, even to their parents.

Always nagging to children. This action would make them ignoring their parents which will make the parents become more frustrated to their children.

Believing that children automatically would not make the same mistake after parent explaining why the behavior is bad. It is useless to explain the error without demonstrating the right behavior to children.

Too much praise have bad effect to children. This is the old fashion way of parenting. It is only true if the praise is misguided or being express in a poor way. Parents need to be specific when praising their kid. For example parents should say; you have playing good for 20 minutes with your sister, rather than saying “You are being a good boy today “.

Assuming that every children can be taught with the same method. Each kid have different level of development and maturity. They all have differences in strength, abilities, strengths and weaknesses. It is unfair for children to be compared between one to another. It would be better if parents more focusing in developing the children strengths and assist their kid to handle their weaknesses.

When Your Children Lying

As adults, sometime we commits a necessary lie or often called as white lie. This action is not always a favorite choice since it will leave guilty feeling in our hearts. But when parents find out that their children are lying, this behavior will immediately turn on the alarm in every parent’s head.

No parents wants their children to grew up as a liar, but before parent get angry because their children are lying and want them to tell the truth, they need to know about the kid’s age and the reasons why the children are telling the lies.

Researchers found out that young children at the age group of 2 to 3 year old often cannot understand the difference between truth and the result of imagination. The boundary between reality and fiction often become blurred at this group of age.

The lies that children are telling often a way to achieve something that they cannot achieve, or to get away from something that they cannot. If the parents keep insisting their child to speak of the truth, they often do not get the truth at all. Therefore, it will be much better to concentrate to the feeling of injured party or the situation that happening because of the children action rather than demanding full honesty to the children that are in this group of age.

At the group of preschool age, most kids already comprehend about the reality. Most of the time, the lies that the children do are as part of their play and game, sometime it is part of their wishful thinking and sometime it is a result of their imagination.

At this group of age, lying often become a method of processing new ideas for children.

At the school age, children become aware about the term of white lie and know how to do it. Children learn about the method of lying for their own advantages or to prevent hurting other people feelings.

At this group of age children usually lie to prevent other people especially their parent from getting disappointed to them or because they feel they being ask to do more than their capabilities.

Parents should able to recognize the reason for the lying and use it as consideration to make the right decision. Providing your kids to help them do their chores or work can solve the situation and prevent them from having to make lies to the parents.

In the group of age 8 – 12 year, children would still have difficulties with the area between the truth and imagination. At this age, children might begin to makes up things that they usually share with their parent when they are younger.

This progress is quite normal and become part from the process of growing up. At this stage rather than forcing the children to tell the truth, it will be better if parents show their disappointment or displeasure to the children about their lying behavior.

But if the lying keep continue to chronic lying, parents must seek professional help to solve this behavior. This situation happen because children have learn it is more convenient to tell lie and lying become the easiest method to achieve what they want.

Finally, if parents do not want your kids growing up to become constant liar, parents must set up themselves as good example of honest person. When children see that their parent is lying no matter how small is, it will leave impression to the children that lying is acceptable and a normal thing to do.