Tag: behavior

When Your Children Lying

As adults, sometime we commits a necessary lie or often called as white lie. This action is not always a favorite choice since it will leave guilty feeling in our hearts. But when parents find out that their children are lying, this behavior will immediately turn on the alarm in every parent’s head.

No parents wants their children to grew up as a liar, but before parent get angry because their children are lying and want them to tell the truth, they need to know about the kid’s age and the reasons why the children are telling the lies.

Researchers found out that young children at the age group of 2 to 3 year old often cannot understand the difference between truth and the result of imagination. The boundary between reality and fiction often become blurred at this group of age.

The lies that children are telling often a way to achieve something that they cannot achieve, or to get away from something that they cannot. If the parents keep insisting their child to speak of the truth, they often do not get the truth at all. Therefore, it will be much better to concentrate to the feeling of injured party or the situation that happening because of the children action rather than demanding full honesty to the children that are in this group of age.

At the group of preschool age, most kids already comprehend about the reality. Most of the time, the lies that the children do are as part of their play and game, sometime it is part of their wishful thinking and sometime it is a result of their imagination.

At this group of age, lying often become a method of processing new ideas for children.

At the school age, children become aware about the term of white lie and know how to do it. Children learn about the method of lying for their own advantages or to prevent hurting other people feelings.

At this group of age children usually lie to prevent other people especially their parent from getting disappointed to them or because they feel they being ask to do more than their capabilities.

Parents should able to recognize the reason for the lying and use it as consideration to make the right decision. Providing your kids to help them do their chores or work can solve the situation and prevent them from having to make lies to the parents.

In the group of age 8 – 12 year, children would still have difficulties with the area between the truth and imagination. At this age, children might begin to makes up things that they usually share with their parent when they are younger.

This progress is quite normal and become part from the process of growing up. At this stage rather than forcing the children to tell the truth, it will be better if parents show their disappointment or displeasure to the children about their lying behavior.

But if the lying keep continue to chronic lying, parents must seek professional help to solve this behavior. This situation happen because children have learn it is more convenient to tell lie and lying become the easiest method to achieve what they want.

Finally, if parents do not want your kids growing up to become constant liar, parents must set up themselves as good example of honest person. When children see that their parent is lying no matter how small is, it will leave impression to the children that lying is acceptable and a normal thing to do.

Establishing Communication Between Parents And Their Teenagers

Many parents are experience many difficulties in establishing a communication between them and their children especially when there are confrontation with their children. This condition is often happen especially when their children are at teenager stage. Therefore to create healthy communication between parents and their children, it will be better to look it from the children or teens perspectives.

Communication with teenagers

Mostly children and teens needs proper condition in order that they can comfortably open up and communicate their issues with their parents or guardians. Therefore to create and support the proper condition and environment that can stimulate teenager to open up and communicate comfortably, parents need to consider their communication method.

This aspect is very important especially when the parents are angry. Loosing the temper and emotion can hindering the relation between parents and their teenager. Negative reaction such as shouting, harsh and sarcastic action can provoke their rebellious behavior. It can make them become defensive and counter attack their parent negative reaction. In the end there will be not conclusion and solution of the problem, the parents will loose their children trust and loose the communication with their children.

There are few thing that parents need to avoid while communicate with their teenager.

Stop comparing between yourself and your teenagers when you are at their age.

Although they are your teenager, they are different individual from yourself. Both of you live and grew in different condition, situation, time and ages. Therefore it is not fair to demand your teenager to act and behave just like the way you behave. That is because they have their own condition and situation that are different from when the time you are grow up.

Stop playing the authority card

By using authority card such as the one who makes the money or the one who’s in charge, parents will become absolute ruler. Teenager must completely obey what their parents told them without being able to speak of their opinion. Healthy communications require two ways communication between parents and their teenager. They both must value and pay attention on their opponent feedbacks and opinion, even when the both side are angry.

By doing this, the parents will set up a good example and showing to their teenager that they are serious in communicating with their teenager to create the good solution to their teenager issues. The teenager will be able to trust their parents more, and parent will be able to establish foundation for a good and healthy communication with their teenager for the future.


Finding The Reason Behind The Children Misbehavior

In every children misbehavior, there is always good explanations that become the reason of such behavior. This misbehavior will keep on continue until the reason is identify and fulfill. Mostly this behavior is happen because children still confuse and do not know the proper way to expressing, and fulfill or satisfy their intention.

As parents it is your duty to find out and identifies the intention reason behind the misbehavior. First you need to trust that your children are really have a good reason on their behavior. This will help in the process of identifying your children behavior reason. It also make the children more comfortable and trust you more. If you do not trust there is good reason behind your children behavior you can judge your children to easily. This will makes you less trustworthy for the children, and you will not be able to find the true reason behind your children misbehavior.

Then you also need to believe that communicate to your children are the way to get response from your children. If you do not satisfy with the response you should be willing to alter the way you communicate with your children until you can identify the real reason. Here are some basic methods to make communication with your children.

Put your self as your children friend or an ally  

Make proper and positive communication between you and your children. Put your self as an ally and gain their trust so your children can open up to you. To acquire this, it is important that you do not criticize, judge, blame and make negative remark or intention during communication process. Make them believe that you see them as good children, and have the good reason to do such behavior and you are on their side to help them. If you do not do that they will see you as enemy and become defensive, retreat and clam up or even to counter attack. If that happen it is impossible to find the true reason of their misbehavior.

Searching their good reason 

After you gain their trust and they start to open up with you then you can start to search their positive reason. Try to refrain yourself from using the word “why”, instead it will be better that you use a phrase such as “what/how is your behaviors do for you?”.  Usually they will reveal some positive intentions inside their answer, you need to be sharp to catch these intention inside their communication. Keep asking “what/how is your behaviors do for you?”  inside the communication until you reach the core of their reason and purpose.

Verify the reason back  

After you can grasp the true reason you can verify the reason back to the children. Therefore you will be sure the true intention behind the children misbehavior.

Fulfill the reason with proper behavior 

After you identify the positive reason behind the misbehavior, then you must consider that is the true reason. Then tell them that you respect them for actually trying to achieve something that is positive and offer them your help as much as you can. Tell them that the fact this reason is the proof that they actually is a good and kind person compare to the negative behavior. Help him to find a proper behavior that is reflecting their good and kindness to satisfy and fulfill their positive intention.